A sofa or an armchair is often a better place to start than it looks. The seat is firm, the back gives you something to lean on, and you can change the angle without rebuilding the whole position. The drawings below are schematics: gold is the man, cream is the woman. They show where each person sits or kneels, not a photograph.
Before you start
Choose a seat that does not roll and does not rock. A low, deep sofa is comfortable for lying along the cushions. A firm armchair is better when she sits on his lap, because the sides stop you sliding apart. Put a cushion under knees that rest on the floor, and keep a throw nearby if the upholstery is rough.
Agree on the position before you move. Say which way you each want to face, and stop if a knee, a wrist or a lower back starts to complain. Furniture should take the weight. Neither of you should be holding the other up with one tired arm.
Face to face on his lap
He sits well back, feet on the floor, spine against the chair back. She steps over his lap and sits on his thighs, chest toward his chest. Her knees can rest on the cushion beside his hips, or one foot can stay on the floor if the chair is high.
This is the easiest sofa position to control. She sets the pace by rocking her hips. He keeps his hands on her waist or the chair arms, not on her balance. If the chair is narrow, stay here. A wide sofa lets her knees spread, but the armchair keeps you closer.
She sits on the edge
She sits on the front lip of the cushion, not deep in the seat, and leans back into the sofa. Her feet stay on the floor, or her heels rest on the edge of the frame. He kneels on a cushion in front of her, upright, so their hips meet without her having to slide forward.
The height of the sofa matters. If the seat is much higher than his hips, fold a pillow under his knees. If it is lower, she can perch on a firm extra cushion. The point is that his hips and hers line up while his knees stay comfortable.
Kneeling on the cushions
She kneels on the seat, hands on the backrest or on the cushion in front of her, knees apart enough to feel steady. He kneels behind her on the same seat. If the sofa is short, he can stand on the floor behind the seat and she can move her knees closer to the front edge.
Use the backrest as a brace, not as something to hang from. A pillow under her hands raises her shoulders if the seat is soft and her wrists sink. He keeps his hands on her hips so the angle stays even, and both of you keep your knees on the cushion rather than on the hard frame.
Side by side
This is the quiet position. Both of you lie on your sides along the sofa, facing the same direction, with a cushion under the head that is nearer the arm. Her back rests against his chest. Bend the knees a little so nobody rolls off the front edge.
A deep sofa is safer than a narrow one. If you feel the edge under a hip, move both bodies back toward the cushions before you continue. His lower arm can lie along her waist. It should not be trapped under her ribs for the whole time. Swap that arm when it goes numb.
What makes it easier
- Match hip height with a cushion before anything else. Most awkward sofa sex is just a seat that is too high or too low.
- Keep knees on something soft. The wooden rail at the front of a sofa is a bad place for a kneecap.
- Hold the furniture, not each other's hair or neck, when you need leverage.
- If a position only works while one person is tense, change it. The lap and the side-by-side positions are the ones you can stay in.
A sofa is not a lesser version of a bed. It gives you a back, an edge and a fixed height. Pick the chair when you want to face each other, the edge when he can kneel, the cushions when you want him behind her, and the length of the seat when you want to lie down.